


Crossed Wires

by Akaiba



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Age Difference, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Miscommunication, Public Blow Jobs, Reconciliation Sex, Semi-Public Sex, The Crew Ships It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-12 18:53:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7945426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akaiba/pseuds/Akaiba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“If I ‘ave tae say it firs’ I’m gonna- no! Ye know what?! I’m no’ gonna dae tha’! It’s no’ fair, and yes I know I’m a grown man but ye ‘ave to ‘ave some kind of standards. I’m already eleven years older than ‘im, dae I really have to be the starry eyed, lovesick fool who comes out wi’ it and says ‘James Tiberius perfect hair Kirk, I lov-”</p><p>This fic was commissioned by Kirke on AO3 and Kirkenovak on tumblr, so thank you very much for enabling me to try out a new pairing!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crossed Wires

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kirke](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirke/gifts).



> This fic was commissioned by Kirke on AO3 and Kirkenovak on tumblr, so thank you very much for enabling me to try out a new pairing!

 

“-I mean, come on! It’s no’ like he doesnae  _ know _ \- no’ like I can hide it!” Scotty stuck his hand up, outside of where the rest of his upper half was stuck into an access panel to reach the farthest sections of electronics. He waved his hand insistently before Keenser pressed an interphasic compensator into his hand. It was not a small tool but Scotty, having been demanding it through his wordless hand waving, was ready for it as he drew it back under. The visor over his face made it difficult to maneuver in the small space but he’d had years of practice to manage it just fine. 

 

“Ye heard McCoy yesterday- ‘only fella I’ve seen tha’ lovesick is Jim’,” Scotty held his hand out again, impatiently waiting for Keenser to swap the interphasic compensator for a mass spectrometer, as he carried on, “Ne’er has tae say it- I know it. I  _ dae _ .”

 

Scotty’s fingers closed loosely around the tool when Keenser set it in his palm, thoughts adrift before he came back to himself, and irritably set about his task again. His mouth was a tightly shut line of grim determination, a testament to the one-sided argument he had been having all morning with Keenser that was more a way to air his own thoughts. Keenser had simply been blinking his black, beady eyes at Scotty and Scotty had felt every bit of foolishness he knew he was showing- but he couldn’t stop. So he’d decided to give the Enterprise’s warp core a thorough examination and still, shoulders deep in his favourite lady, he couldn’t fully disengage his mind from the niggling thought Mccoy had flippantly put there. 

 

Scotty’s hand came up again and once more Keenser swapped out the tool for him to continue unhindered. “But, it’d be nice tae have a little clarity, ye know?” Keenser offered Scotty no answer that he could see from where he was working, but he kept talking as though he had been given a comforting and commiserating nod, “Sounds affa clingy when I put it like tha’- but _ is _ it?” 

 

The wiring above Scotty sparked at its connectors and Keenser’s eyes snapped to it. Those wires were supposed to be fully detached. Scotty had told Keenser that he’d detached them. Keenser knocked his hand against the metal covering above Scotty in alarm. He tried to get Scotty’s attention as the wiring sparked again, dangerously close to where Scotty was chattering distractedly. The human did not even seem to register Keenser’s interruption at all as he kept working.

  
“It’s one thin’ tae wanna know mebbe in the early stages, I can accept tha’. But it’s no’ the early stages, is it?!” Scotty was getting more indignant as his fervour built, “I’m talkin’ almos’ a year now- a  _ year _ !” The wiring above Scotty’s chest sparked again and Keenser’s eyes went wide with alarm. He grabbed at Scotty’s ankle and pulled but the man was too heavy to simply manhandle from under the access panel. “If I ‘ave tae say it firs’ I’m gonna- no! Ye know what?! I’m no’ gonna dae tha’! It’s no’ fair, and yes I know I’m a grown man but ye ‘ave to ‘ave some kind of standards. I’m already eleven years older than ‘im, dae I really have to be the starry eyed, lovesick fool who comes out wi’ it and says ‘James Tiberius perfect hair Kirk, I lov-”

 

The machinery above where Scotty was tinkering beeped in alarm, as suddenly the wiring surged with power and the access panel Scotty was shoulder deep in erupted in a flash of bright white. The force of it tingled in Keenser’s palm, making him jerk back in alarm as he threw an arm up to shield his face. He could still see Scotty’s legs thrash where he had been holding him. The flash lasted all of a second but when it faded, Keenser could smell burned plastic and something that was most likely also burned hair. 

 

A second of stunned stillness followed that and then suddenly all the engineers scrambled at once to the comms. Keenser didn’t have to do a thing, so he focused instead on Scotty’s very alarmingly still form laid out under the access panel. Getting down into a crouch, he could see Scotty’s head, the visor covering his face scorched over in black and cracked where the tool Scotty had been using had fallen from his hands and broken the visor. 

 

“Engineering to medbay, there’s been an accident-”

 

The voices sounded far away, Keenser noted. He could feel the urgency- the panic was sharp in him as well. Scotty was breathing, Keenser noted with open relief. He gently rested a hand on Scotty’s slack one, unsure if he should shake Scotty or leave him for medical to deal with. The man was breathing but he wasn’t moving, and Keenser had no idea what to do. 

 

“It’s Lieutenant Commander Scott! We need medical down here immediately!”

 

Keenser stayed rigid at Scotty’s side, watching each shallow breath as Scotty began to stir. He wasn’t out for long, and maybe medical didn’t need to race down here thinking Scotty was dying but the panic in Keenser didn’t abate, even as Scotty’s eyes moved under his barely parted eyelids. Scotty hadn't made a mistake like that in many, many years. He’d told Keenser that he’d isolated the machinery from the power supply. Keenser hadn’t thought to check, because why would Scotty have gotten something so mundane so wrong? Scotty made mistakes in a grand way- splicing a dog into atoms never to be reassembled sort of mistakes- not this. This was the most basic of mistakes and he’d made it because his mind was on other things.

 

Scotty took an unsteady, but deeper breath than the ones before and his eyes fluttered open. Unfocused but open, the human blinked rapidly as he tried to wrestle himself free from underneath the access panel whilst also wrestling with the scorched visor over his face. Keenser tried to still Scotty’s uncoordinated thrashing but Scotty didn’t have much energy beyond finally dislodging the visor and sagging to the floor fully. “... don’ think I… turned off the… power…” Scotty’s eyes rolled back before he finished gritting out the last syllable and then he fell still.

 

\---

 

Captaining a starship with a vast crew often meant that what might be classed as the more mundane days, between scanning new planets and exploring the far reaches of space, there were still any number of emergencies that demanded Kirk’s full and speedy attention. It wasn’t even that it was ‘just one of those days’ as every day tended to demand the same and Kirk had just come to expect it. 

 

The Enterprise had a more than capable crew but as Captain, certain things needed Kirk’s sign off and no one else’s, and while Kirk could conceivably let Spock handle more than his fair share it wasn’t something Kirk even entertained doing. He liked knowing what was going on inside his ship. The Enterprise was a strict mistress, but she was one that Kirk enjoyed humouring even though it did mean the entirety of his alpha shift had felt like a string of barely resolved issues interspersed with-

 

“McCoy to Bridge,” McCoy’s voice cut through Kirk’s thoughts. Scrambling, Kirk flicked through his mind to remember if he had recently dodged any medical exams to have earned McCoy’s wrath but came up empty. That wasn’t necessarily a good thing, however, because if Kirk wasn’t in trouble with McCoy, then that had to mean something was wrong enough for McCoy to have need to contact the bridge.

 

A knot of concern twisted in Kirk’s gut as he answered with the panel on his chair, “Kirk here, what is it, Bones?”

 

“There’s been an accident in Engineering,” Kirk went rigidly still and he could see Sulu and Chekov before him stiffening at the news. The hum of soft conversation on the bridge went silent as they all listened. When McCoy added, “Scotty’s here, Jim. He got hurt. I thought you would want to know,” no one even bothered to hide as they turned to watch Kirk.

 

It wasn’t as though Kirk had felt the need to hide his relationship with Scotty from the crew, but then he’d never exactly come out and said anything about it either. Apparently he hadn’t needed to, the crew had just known. There were no invasive questions, no congratulatory pats or words, no anything- it was just how things were. McCoy had made a few jokes about Kirk having a polyamorous relationship with both Scotty and the Enterprise but the day McCoy didn’t give him grief about anything at all would be the day one of them died. And Kirk had died, but Scotty had informed him McCoy had a lot to say on the matter before managing to reverse the situation through sheer medical ingenuity and refusal to accept Kirk was just gone.

 

Kirk was now getting an idea of what Scotty’s own feelings on the matter may have been, though Scotty hadn’t said much more beyond ‘don’cha ever dae that again, you daft prick’. Scotty hadn’t wanted to talk about it so Kirk hadn’t pressed it, but the feeling in Kirk’s stomach couldn’t be exactly described. It was cold and sharp and sickening.

 

“Spock, you have the-”

 

Spock had already risen from his seat, but he didn’t approach, interrupting only to hurry Kirk along with, “Yes, Captain,” and then Kirk was moving. The relief of command was like permission to flee as he scrambled up from his chair and marched to the turbolift. 

 

McCoy wouldn’t have called the bridge with just that if Scotty was actually dead. He’d have said more or called him earlier, but still Kirk couldn’t shake the fear eating him up so fast he felt dizzy. He’d almost lost crew many times before, the sensation of nausea and helplessness wasn’t new, but this… this was  _ Scotty _ .

 

Kirk had friends aboard the Enterprise, people he was proud to know and prouder still that they not only trusted in him as their Captain, but as their friend too. But with Scotty, things blurred. They had done from the moment they met. Scotty treated Kirk the same no matter the title or the time of day, he was as congenial and friendly when differing to Kirk as he was when drinking scotch just the two of them watching the warp core whirring away in Engineering. It felt as natural to lean in and kiss Scotty that first time as it had every time after. Scotty had taken a little more convincing- like Kirk cared about age or gossip- but Kirk couldn’t say he regretted any of it. It had been so easy as to be laughable, the constant question of ‘why didn’t we do this sooner’ when Scotty was the only one to truly understand what the Enterprise meant to Kirk because it meant the same to Scotty as well. 

 

The Enterprise wasn’t the only thing they had either, much as Bones liked to joke about it. Kirk valued Scotty’s advice and he had no fear Scotty would be shy about letting him know exactly his opinion or that if Kirk needed a plan, then Scotty’s would be so ingeniously outside the box that Kirk could- and tended to- kiss him. Because Kirk could do that. They had a relationship, something Kirk had never really been able to attempt before but Scotty made it so effortless that sometimes Kirk wondered what he’d been worried about in the first place. 

 

The turbolift seemed to crawl to the right floor. Each second that ticked by Kirk could feel an itch under his skin that only grew with impatience and worry. 

 

When Kirk stepped into the medbay, he expected to hear frantic hurrying feet or firm voices swapping medical information back and for. Certainly after how McCoy had called him down Kirk didn’t expect to see Scotty up and well and fighting with McCoy to be let free of the bed. 

 

“Scotty!” The breath of Scotty’s name slipped free from Kirk with all the tension Kirk had built from the moment McCoy told him Scotty was hurt.

 

Scotty stilled, hands up and fending off McCoy’s tricorder, and looked over to Kirk with a frown, “I, ye didnae ‘ave tae call Jim, now come on! It wasnae tha’ bad!”

 

McCoy’s eyes widened in indignation and Kirk was well acquainted with the vein at McCoy’s temple bulging when Kirk himself was being a particularly problematic patient. Kirk couldn’t help smiling in relief that Scotty was not only well enough to be upright but also well enough to be winding McCoy into a true frenzy. “Scotty, you passed out!”

 

“An’ I’m awake again, look see- I’m fine,” Scotty rolled his eyes as McCoy lifted the tricorder again and the engineer very firmly pushed it aside, “I’m  _ fine _ .”

 

As threatening looks went, McCoy’s were fierce, but had long lost their effect with how frequently he used them, so unsurprisingly Scotty remained unmoved by the stern look fixated on him. Kirk felt like he was watching a staring match between two alley cats until finally McCoy gave in. “Fine, but you take it easy. Your heart’s beating fine and I can’t find anything else but you notice anything-” McCoy turned to narrow his eyes at Kirk, “that goes for you too, Jim, anything at all and you bring him back here.”

 

“He can bloody try,” Scotty grumbled.

 

With a half shrug Kirk held up his hands, “I’ll try, then?” McCoy grunted in resignation before stepping away from the bed. Scotty rolled his eyes as he made to stand from the bed but Kirk was quicker as he stepped up to Scotty and blocked him from doing so. 

 

One of Kirk’s hands came up to rest against Scotty’s cheek, palm warm and thumb tracing over Scotty’s chin as Kirk searched his face. The fight Scotty had been putting up towards McCoy faltered in the wake of Kirk’s open relief and his shoulders sagged, tiredness at least showing as his fingers found their way to Kirk’s hips. 

 

“I’m fine,” Scotty mumbled into Kirk’s palm.

 

Kirk’s mouth quirked at the petulant insistence, “I know, I know… I just...” He swallowed hard and pressed his forehead against Scotty’s, “I was worried.” 

 

“You were?” Scotty wasn’t surprised, he knew Kirk cared for him, but all the same it was still nice to hear it. 

 

“Bones just said you were hurt, I… I didn’t know what had… don’t do that again.”

 

That startled a huffed chuckle from Scotty as he let Kirk ease his way between Scotty’s legs and press closer, “I didnae exactly dae it on purpose. It was jus’ a stupid mistake, I was… distracted.” Scotty hadn’t thought about what had been niggling him before he got electrocuted until Kirk walked into the room. It had been a little difficult with McCoy constantly poking and prodding at him, but with Kirk in front of him and touching him all the while with that soft, relieved smile it was hard to remember why he had been worried at all. 

 

“Distracted, huh?” 

 

Scotty looked at Kirk’s face and the teasing smile he could see curling the younger man’s mouth. Teasing and flirtation had always been Kirk’s go-to way to deflect but Scotty had known him intimately for a while now and could see through it. Despite how Kirk was strolling past the worry he’d admitted to, Scotty could still see it in Kirk’s eyes. Kirk hadn’t let go of him either, he’d even pushed closer like he could forcibly keep Scotty alive and well if he maintained a constant point of contact with him. 

 

The care was obvious, plain as day to anyone who looked, but maybe McCoy was the only one who could have seen the love just as clearly as the care. He’d known Kirk the longest and Scotty had never considered his comment anything other than teasing, but it had made him introspective- paranoidly so. McCoy had probably meant it as a hint to look for, but all Scotty had realised was that he very much loved Kirk and was terrified to say so. He wanted Kirk to say it first so he wasn’t desperately clinging to his younger lover and maybe in the process scaring him off. Looking at him now, however, Scotty could see all the ways Kirk had been saying it for much longer than Scotty had been feeling it. Maybe Kirk would, or could never say it, but maybe that didn’t matter. Scotty could see it. He could  _ feel _ it, he thought as he pressed his hand over Kirk’s against his face. 

 

“Yeah, distracted,” Scotty agreed with a slow smile, “But it was jus’ a little shock.”

 

McCoy’s voice came from his office, “You passed out!”

 

Indignantly, Scotty inhaled to shout something back but Kirk covered Scotty’s mouth with his own in a chaste kiss as Kirk laughed against his lips. “Take the rest of the day, Lieutenant Commander.”

 

“Yessir, Captain, sir,” Scotty met Kirk’s mouth again, letting Kirk push in and sinking into the feel of Kirk’s tongue against his own with something that very much felt as familiar as home. McCoy was right, they were a pair of lovesick fools and Scotty felt elated and dizzy with it. It could just have been the shock his body was in, but no, it was definitely Kirk. It was always Kirk. With his charms and his easy smiles, he pulled Scotty in from the first moment like he was orbiting the sun that was James Tiberius Kirk. Scotty was a simple man with simple pleasures, at least by his definition, and he was certainly an unlikely candidate to appeal to Kirk but here they were. A man eleven years his junior kissing him and holding him and loving him like there was nothing more remarkable in it than breathing. 

 

“Hey! You two, not in my medbay!” McCoy’s head peered out from the doorway to his office, “Jim, get back to the bridge!”

 

It was difficult to let Kirk pull back but he was smiling still and Scotty felt delirious to see it. He’d recently been shocked with enough electricity to make every hair on his body stand on end but it felt the same to look at Kirk in that moment. Like solving the final problem of an equation, seeing through the puzzle to the solution, and revelling in that moment of victory. Kirk was that victory, that moment of utter completion as Scotty made sense of the universe around him. It was juvenile and laughable to think it, but there it was- Scotty couldn’t deny it once he’d felt it.

 

Kirk didn’t look away from Scotty but he snapped back, “You called me down here, Bones, what did you think I was gonna do, seeing my boyfriend is okay?!” He was laughing, though, and Scotty could still see the relief. Kirk couldn’t shake it off as well as he could fake that he could, and Scotty felt mystified by it. Kirk pressed another kiss to Scotty’s parted lips and stepped back, “I will see you after my shift.”

 

Scotty felt Kirk stepping back like a push. Urgency gripped him and his body leaned forward as Kirk turned to head back to the turbolift. 

 

“I love ye.”

 

For a moment Scotty hadn’t even realised he’d spoken but Kirk froze. The Captain turned back to look at Scotty and the reality hit; he’d said it. 

 

And it was a mistake.

 

Kirk’s face was shocked, stricken even if Scotty was feeling poetic- which seemed to be the only way he could describe Kirk today. 

 

“That is…” Kirk swallowed, his tongue thick and useless as he stared at Scotty like Scotty had surprised him entirely. “...so weird.”

 

It didn’t feel weird to Scotty, but then by the look on Kirk’s face Kirk hadn’t been feeling the same things Scotty had. That was fine, Scotty told himself. He’d made a mistake, mistakes happened. That entire day felt like a mistake. 

 

“I… I suppose so,” Scotty forced out a weak laugh, grating even to his own ears, “Mebbe I should talk tae McCoy… somethin’ not right in.. in ‘ere…” The moment stretched and Scotty felt sick as Kirk simply stared right at him. “Must ‘ave… must ‘ave knocked me worse than I thought…”

 

Shakily, Kirk tried to speak, “Scotty, I…”

 

“Hey, don’... don’ worry about it, Jimbo,” Scotty shook his head firmly. He stood from the bed and held up his hands in a limp shrug, the smile on his face feeling wooden and wrong, “It’s jus’ me speakin’ without thinkin’ again. Don’... don’ mind me,” Scotty waved his hands pleadingly, “Forget I said anythin’. Let’s jus’ forget it, eh?” Where Scotty felt he was choking on the rush of words he couldn’t stem the flow of, it seemed for once in his life Kirk had no words at all. He looked lost, frightened even, and Scotty hated he had done that. He’d just thought… “They probably need ye on the bridge, sir,”

 

The ‘sir’ seemed to jerk Kirk out of his frozen state as though he’d been slapped. His blue eyes looked hurt and Scotty couldn’t take it back. Kirk was his captain first and his lover second. Perhaps it was cowardly but right now Scotty couldn’t face his lover, so he had to slip into that of Captain and they’d never really done that before. Kirk may have pulled rank a few times but Scotty had never entertained it much. Kirk never really got his way in the end for it, and Scotty had certainly never backed away from him. 

 

But Kirk let him, as much a coward as Scotty’s retreating to follow likewise. He jerked a nod to Scotty and fled like the medbay was on fire. The door swished closed behind him and Scotty felt unsure what to do, but all the elation had turned cold and rancid in his belly.

 

“Want a drink?” McCoy offered softly from his office. The icing on the cake had to be that his embarrassment had an audience. 

 

The offer was tempting, though. “What are ye drinking?”   
  


“Bourbon,” McCoy lifted a brown bottle that sloshed promisingly but Scotty wrinkled his nose.

 

“I’ll pass.” 

 

McCoy nodded and offered nothing more as Scotty left. He had no advice to give and Scotty was not in a mood to hear any condolences or pity from anyone. Everyone had been nothing but happy for them but they all knew Kirk’s history. Why Scotty had thought himself any different had simply been his mistake. He needed a drink, certainly, but a decent one, and he’d left the last of his scotch in Kirk’s room- a room he no longer felt welcome to enter even if just to retrieve his preferred drink.

 

Kirk had given Scotty the rest of the day to recover with a promise to see him later, but with how Scotty had messed everything up, he didn’t need it spelling out that those plans weren’t still in effect. It wasn’t as though they spent every waking moment in each other’s pockets, it would be impossible with how demanding their roles of command were, but Scotty would still have gone to Kirk’s room under other circumstances. There were datapads of formula that he had been working on that he would somehow need to get, and Scotty’s thoughts quickly snowballed after that. To each object he’d left in Kirk’s room and the ease with which he had slotted his life into Kirk’s without them even noticing. His toothbrush was even in the man’s bathroom. How had he gotten it so wrong?

 

Keenser had been ecstatic to see Scotty was well and had thrown his arms around his middle before pushing at him to leave, but Scotty didn’t want to be anywhere else. He let the other engineers know he wouldn’t be supervising and patted Keenser on the head before finding a nice quiet place to sit and listen to the warp core’s humming. It was getting close to the shift change but even then there was no reason for him to be disturbed for a while. Scotty should know, he made the rota. He used Tuesday evenings to tinker with the non-essential systems and unwind for a while, which was better done with less people around to break his calm. Keenser didn’t count, but Scotty didn’t like to make Keenser stay when he did, so most Tuesday evenings, it was just Scotty and the Enterprise, with a few engineers politely working away from where Scotty was. This Tuesday was no different it seemed, except Scotty was in mood to be lured to the Enterprise’s many wires again. 

 

It was calming just to listen to her purring away and let his mind go numb. Scotty didn’t want to think about anything at all. Not his idiocy, or his foolishness, or Kirk. He wanted to sit in quiet and lick his wounds for as long as he could get away with.

 

“Can we talk?” Kirk, of course, had other ideas. 

 

Scotty’s eyes snapped open. The younger man sheepishly stood at the pillar supporting the upper walkway which Scotty had elected to sit under, but he hadn’t invaded the quiet space Scotty had found yet. Not fully. 

 

“We could,” Scotty murmured, “Or we could jus’ forget it?” He offered hopefully.

 

It was a weak, pitiful attempt to shrug the whole thing off and just go back to how things were- and they’d been good. Why had Scotty had to go and mess it up?- but Kirk didn’t laugh or seem tempted by the idea. “I can’t, Scotty. I don’t want to.”

 

At that, Scotty had to scoff as he achingly clambered to his feet, “Think I’d have gotten a less horrified reaction if I told ye I wanted tae marry a Klingon.”

 

“I wasn’t horrified, Monty,” Kirk insisted, stepping closer. 

 

This was easier, this bickering back and forth. It hurt it was so easy. Scotty didn’t want to lose this. “Ye looked pretty horrified,” He twisted his face in resignation as he dropped his eyes to the floor, “Which is… fine. It is. Well, it’s… I cannae blame ye for no’ feelin’ the same way.”

 

The silence felt definite and final, not at all as forgiving as Scotty had meant it to be. He just wanted to brush it all under the rug and forget he’d ever said it. The silence stretched and Scotty couldn’t keep looking away. His gaze flicked up to Kirk and he was caught then, ensnared in shock at how Kirk apparently hadn’t looked horrified before but he did then. 

 

“You think I don’t feel the same?” Kirk’s mouth stayed parted as he stared at Scotty, stunned.

 

Before Scotty could think to reply Kirk was on him, pushing Scotty back against the cold metal of the pillar. His mouth was hot and the kiss sharper than the ones before. The relief was gone, a desperation in Kirk’s hands fisted in Scotty’s shirt that left him confused as he kissed back with all the things he’d choked down since blurting out the one thing he couldn’t keep hidden. Kirk might have been experienced but Scotty had a surprising amount of patience. He weathered the attack as Kirk’s tongue ravaged his mouth, as Kirk’s teeth bit at his lips, and when Kirk pulled back, it was Kirk who was breathless in frustration and desire, but not Scotty, who was still adrift in confusion. “What are ye doin’?”

 

“I’ve never said it,” Kirk huffed against Scotty’s mouth. Scotty could taste each word and the flavour of McCoy’s bourbon to know what might have spurred Kirk to find him, but Kirk was clear headed and soberly sincere as he spoke, “I’ve never wanted to, but with you… I didn’t think I had to, and then… then I couldn’t.” Kirk looked frightened of his own inadequacy, like in the moments Scotty had been seeing nothing but rejection, Kirk had actually been trying. With everything Kirk had, he’d been trying so hard to say it back and he just couldn’t.

 

It was Scotty who bridged the gap next, crashing his mouth into Kirk’s like he couldn’t bare not feeling him again as he cupped Kirk’s face in his hands and shoved them together hard enough to hurt. Kirk grunted but didn’t stay idle for long, pushing back just as hard until Scotty was pinned between Kirk and the pillar. He grasped Scotty’s wrists before pushing them flat against the surface as well, kissing Scotty how he pleased. He was in no hurry, but was no less fervent as he drew back at irregular moments to speak and hear Scotty breathing hard against him. 

 

“You know, don’t you, Monty?” Kirk asked, kissing Scotty again before letting him speak. 

 

A wet sound parted their mouths again and Scotty groaned, “I know, Jim, I know.”

 

“I’m gonna say it, I swear, one day,” Kirk promised, moving for Scotty’s neck instead and keeping him fixed there with the hold on his wrists and Kirk’s hips flush against his own. Scotty could feel Kirk’s cock, hot and hard against his own interested one. He hadn’t the youth Kirk had to get him going as fast but Kirk was nothing if not patient and thorough. He’d been no less than an adaptable and interesting lover every time they’d had sex but there was an edge in the way Kirk touched him that felt more like need; a need for Scotty to feel everything Kirk couldn’t say. 

 

“Jim…” The way Scotty mumbled name was somewhere between a plea and complaint as Kirk rocked their hips together. It was difficult to keep up with Kirk at the best of times but Scotty had had a rough day and he was still reeling from the idea that he hadn’t messed everything up entirely, yet still Kirk dragged him along like a force of nature and Scotty could do little more than hold on.

 

Kirk paused against his neck. Just a press of his lips against his skin above the edge of Scotty’s collar. If Kirk left a mark, which he usually did, there would be no hiding it. “Twice, Scotty,” Kirk whispered, so low and private that even though it was for Scotty to hear it felt almost like intruding, “I thought I’d lost you twice today.”

 

Well, Scotty thought, when Kirk put it like that, maybe he understood a little of the desperation in the man’s hold on him. Scotty flexed his hands in Kirk’s firm grip but his Captain’s hold did not waver. “I’m right ‘ere, Jim,” It was meant as a reassurance, but when Kirk moved so Scotty could see him, Kirk still looked wary. Scotty had spent most of the day nursing his mistakes, but it looked like Kirk had done much the same, and he was still swearing to do better next time. If Scotty had needed more proof that Kirk meant every word he said, it was right there on Kirk’s face. 

 

“Yes,” Kirk gave him a twitch of a smile, “You are.”

 

Kirk’s hips rolled against Scotty’s again and a groan startled its way from Scotty in surprise at the sudden friction. His eyes darted from Kirk to what of the warp core room he could see beyond their barely sheltered position. “Jim, we’re no’... no’ exactly hidden ‘ere,” Scotty joked weakly. He was under no illusions that would stop Kirk. Considering Scotty wasn’t exactly inexperienced before he had met Kirk, the number of public places he had found himself biting his own hand while Kirk made him cum had grown exponentially with no apparent sign of stopping. 

 

“Better be quiet then,” Kirk teased. The fluid ease with which he dropped to his knees before Scotty was sinful. Even with his newly freed hands, Scotty didn’t do much with them but push one into Kirk’s hair. 

 

“Jim…” Scotty wasn’t sure if he meant anything to follow the low breath of Kirk’s name but he was silenced when Kirk’s hands closed around the hem of his trousers. There was no hesitation as Kirk’s fingers unfastened the button and zip as easily and unhurriedly as if they were in the privacy of Kirk’s cabin, with no threat of some poor ensign stumbling upon them. The wicked smirk on Kirk’s face at least told Scotty that Kirk was well aware of that threat and he was enjoying it. Scotty’s stomach clenched to picture it; a startled face peering at their captain on his knees with the chief engineer’s cock down his throat. 

 

Scotty’s cock twitched at the thought and Kirk’s hand already sliding into his trousers felt the pulse against his hand. Kirk chuckled, looking up at Scotty from his knees with his fingers easing Scotty’s cock from his underwear to hang obscenely from his opened pants. “Having fun, Monty?” Kirk teased.

 

If Kirk had wanted a reply, he didn’t wait for one. The heat crawling up Scotty’s neck from Kirk’s fixed eye contact, as though he could see right through Scotty, didn’t have a chance to ease when Kirk’s gaze broke away before Kirk’s mouth was closing around Scotty’s cock like he was starved for it. Scotty’s head snapped back and thudded hard against the pillar at his back, the pain helping him not to cry out as Kirk swallowed him down to the root and eased back, only to immediately do it again. It hadn’t exactly surprised Scotty when he learned long ago that Kirk didn’t have a gag reflex, but God he was grateful for it. That and the enthusiasm Kirk had for practically choking himself on Scotty’s cock without any direction. Not that Scotty would have given it. Kirk might have been the one on his knees but he was still the more dominant of them both. Scotty didn’t care. Kirk taking the lead had never given him anything but a good time, and the relentless way Kirk was sucking on his cock felt like Kirk had something to prove. 

 

Kirk wasn’t going for finesse with his technique and Scotty shouldn’t have found the mess of saliva slicked down Kirk’s chin as attractive as he did, but with Kirk’s mouth stretched wide around his cock and reddening with each harsh slide Kirk gave, Scotty felt his toes curling. The rhythm Kirk found slammed Scotty’s cock to the back of his throat before he eased off and bobbed his head frantically for few times, then choked himself again. The guttural sound of Kirk’s throat working around his cock was obscene, and more than enough to get them caught if anyone came even so much as a hundred yards from them, nevermind how Scotty quickly had to bite down on the knuckle of his finger to silence how desperately he wanted to groan out his appreciation.

 

Scotty’s eyes scrunched up in the effort to stop himself making noise, but it let him hear everything that much louder until it felt deafening. They’d figured out early on that Scotty could remain still with effort and Kirk really didn’t like having someone fuck into his mouth, so Kirk trusted Scotty to behave as he moved his hands away from Scotty’s hips. One hand pushed under the red and black shirts of Scotty’s uniform to drag blunted nails through the line of coarse hair leading to Scotty’s cock, an almost out of place petting of Scotty’s belly until Kirk moved instead down to cup Scotty’s balls in one warm hand. Scotty wanted it to last but Kirk wasn’t going for anything other than fast and hard, and Scotty couldn’t fight the pull in his stomach with how Kirk was working him over.

 

When his eyes opened to look down at Kirk, more than enjoying the view of Kirk’s red mouth bruised from his cock, Scotty noticed Kirk’s other hand. Only barely out of sight Scotty could see it move frantically in Kirk’s lap as fast as Kirk was bobbing his head on Scotty’s cock, and Scotty realised with a shock that Kirk was jerking himself off hard to what he was doing. A lurch of desire had Scotty dizzy and almost pushed him over the edge when Kirk opened his eyes and caught his gaze. Kirk’s own eyes were glazed in pleasure, but no less fierce when they crinkled at the edges and suddenly Kirk’s hips snapped forward. Kirk stilled a moment, his mouth around Scotty turned almost gentle as he sucked, breathing hard through his nose. Scotty could feel the moan Kirk couldn’t voice with his mouth full, could feel it shudder around his cock, and it was all Scotty needed to tip him over entirely.

 

Still reeling from his own hasty finish, Kirk managed to swallow around the sudden release of cum in his mouth until Scotty was weakly pushing at Kirk to let go of his far too sensitive cock. Kirk was thorough and Scotty’s legs were shaking as he dropped to his own knees with far less grace than Kirk had managed. He framed Kirk’s face with his hands, hauling the dazed man in for a kiss as sloppy as everything else had been, and unashamedly so. Scotty could taste himself on Kirk’s tongue and God he wished he were young enough to entertain another round, as Kirk gripped his shoulders, kissing back unsteadily. 

 

“I can say it, can’ I?” Scotty breathed in a rush, feeling Kirk still breathless and gasping into his mouth. 

 

Kirk nodded, as eager as Scotty had never expected to hope he might be, “Yeah, yeah, Monty.”

 

“I love ye, Jim,” Scotty watched Kirk’s eyes go wide again, but unlike last time Scotty could see the awe in Kirk’s face this time. So he said it again, “I love ye.”

 

Kirk surged in to kiss Scotty again and Scotty couldn’t help laughing. It felt good to laugh, and to feel Kirk laughing with him between each kiss. Kirk might say it one day, and Scotty would be happy if he did, but it didn’t matter all that much when Scotty knew it well enough without it being voiced. Scotty would take that. Better Kirk meant it in every touch and kiss than say the words without meaning them. 

**Author's Note:**

> My Tumblr: akaiba.tumblr.com


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